Blogging...probably not the best night for it....

Everything happens for a reason. My reason for blogging tonight is a bottle of wine. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you can't do anything with it but swing for the fences and hear the Ump call for a strike 3. I think I have swung for the fences and am waiting to hear the Ump. 

 

My life is not my own.....strong statement, one I have made so many times but still holds so much meaning for me. When my hearts look at me with their brown, black, not so blue/green eyes; I am remindwd of this exact statement. They are my life. They are my world. They are my breath. A mother can endure so many challenges and obstacles in life as long as she knows her kinder are happy and taken care of. 

What?? What could possibly be wrong and admiss in their peaceful lives??! Nothing, something, anything??! Who cares??? Only care at this moment is their happiness!  Where is Mimi...where is Green??!! My glasses are too tight...  Isn't that all they care about??!  Nope!! Unfortunately, they do have feelings and minds of their own. So I regress....I give because that is what I do...I sacrifice so they don't have to...I hurt so they never will. 

Don't read too much into this...it's a blog...an avenue of release...a pallet for a

Painter...a slate for a writer. 

Everything happens for a reason.....

JUJU "Why'd she come up with that??" For the folks that keep wondering and keep asking me why!!!

Juju.....the name I'm called now.  Mostly by Brian and soon by my sweet Sadie May.  AK has found it funny to call me this now.  She laughs and says, "Hey Juju, I need you!!"  Timmy has even called me this ever so endearing name to me.  Most people think this is a new "nickname" that I have come up with because of the dreaded name I don't want to be called.  The ever feared name that means I'm getting OLD!!  Granny, Grandma, Grandmother, Nanny, some have even joked with me and said Halmoni!  I don't mind that I am going to be a Grandma soon...in fact I love it!!!  I love that I am going to be able to take care of Sadie May and love on her and spoil her and get my baby fix and then hand her right back to Chelsy and Josh and get a full nights sleep!!  I don't mind being a Granny at all!  I didn't choose to be called Juju because I'm afraid of getting old.  This isn't a new nickname.  It's actually an old nickname.  Probably one of the oldest and dearest and sweetest nicknames I've ever had......and one I had forgotten.....................

And how appropriate that Brian calls me Juju now......cause it's because of Brian....Brian Hall that is, that I remember this dear, sweet nickname today.  Well, perhaps Brian or perhaps Lauren because they are notorious nickname people.  If you're around them long enough, you've been given a nickname from them too....there's Lala, B, Bai, B Again, the Twinkies, Banana, Timbo, Tata, Babs, Jenn,.....I think you get the picture.....no one is called by their rightful name.  Well, one day Brian called me Juju and I stopped dead in my tracks.  I hadn't been called Juju in years!! Another man called me Juju who was also notorious for given nicknames.  It was my Papa.  He always called me Juju!!  Most of the time, I was his Juju Buddy!!!  "Hey my Juju Buddy!!"  When I heard Brian say Juju, a flood of emotions went over me immediately!!  And I missed my Grandpa, grandfather, granddaddy, my Papa Buddy!!!  I was his Juju Buddy and he was my Papa Buddy!!! Oh, and there was Manda Panda too....and we called him PeePaw and PaaPaw....don't really remember what he called the boys!!  Maybe it was just us girls. But oh, how I love my Papa Buddy and I didn't remember I was his Juju until Brian said it that day.  I know every time I'm called Juju, I will remember the wonderful man that first called me his Juju Buddy and how much I love being a Juju. 

So, it's not because I don't want to get old or be called Granny or Grandma or Halmoni....it's just because I want to be called Juju because it reminds me of a sweet, old man who first gave me that nickname and I miss him very much everyday!

I love you, Papa!!! 

3 Letter Cruse Word

I bet many of you didn't know there was a three letter curse word...well, there is and many of your children are saying it and you don't even realize it! Our children say it with no punishment, no consequences, and no care for their mother's feelings! I forbid my children to say this word! They hear it often, they hear their friends says this word, they hear other mothers and adults accept this word. I will Never accept this word. I will never respond to this word. I will never cherish this word. This word I hate, this word I cower from, this word I fear is "Mom!" Now many of you may think this isn't a bad word, but it is the Worst word! This is the word I detest coming out of the mouths of my children. I cringe when I hear this word. This word makes my heart break. I punish and forbid my children from saying this dreadful word!

The word Mom means my babies are growing up. They are maturing and will no longer need their Mommy. Hearing Mom means they are succumbing to peer pressure. Never do they hear that dreadful word come from my lips. They are feeling the constant pressure to conform and to grow. Who dares give them permission to grow and develop independence? Why are they challenged and pressured to function without my assistance? This word I hate! This word I detest! This word hurts my heart! I hope to never become Mom! I want to always be a Mommy! Mommies are needed! Mommies are pillows! Mommies have super powers! Mommies are cushions! I hear this 3 letter word escape the lips of my children sometimes and small parts of my heart crack. I know one day soon Mommy will disappear forever. I cling to that name. I pray I will always be Mommy. I will punish the 3 letter word while I can because when "Mom" because the norm, I know my kinder are growing..I know they are developing more independence, I know their need for me is diminishing, I know my days are numbered.... But until that day, I will cherish my name as Mommy. I will remember the last time I was called Mommy because Lord knows, I will always remember the first time I was called that sweet name!